Moan to Malone

by • February 7, 2011 • Society & PeopleComments (1)690

Dr. Malone,

I have a boyfriend that I am really into. He has a great personality and he is incredibly unique. I admire the flow of his long blonde hair and the way his jacket hangs off his shoulders when he walks around. However I find that whenever we go out on a date he insists on taking me to PF Changs. I enjoyed it the first couple of times but it seems that the menu is getting repetitive. Is this normal? Should I be worried? I mean, how many times can we eat there?

Sick of General Gau

General Gau,

Boy, if I were a girl I’d be pretty envious of this situation. PF Changs is a high quality restaurant with a huge menu. I’m not sure if you’re exaggerating or not since I have a hard time believing that you’ve been there enough times. I doubt you’ve been there enough times to sample the entire prix fixe menu.
But in all seriousness this doesn’t appear to be a big issue. It doesn’t make much sense to me, but clearly you are steadfast against that fine establishment. Why not suggest a different restaurant? There are plenty of restaurants in the neighborhood. I mean clearly this guy is willing to travel for fine dining as the nearest PF Changs is far away.
Why not ask him out next time? He’s your boyfriend and you’ve obviously been out with him enough time to grow tired of such a large menu. This isn’t the Stone Age; guys shouldn’t be the only ones to make date plans. If you’re so nervous about your relationship with your boyfriend that you can’t even ask him to a restaurant than maybe you’re the one we should be worried about.
Out of all my patients, this case is mild. That means that if it’s not easily fixable then the issue might be with you Gau.

Dr. Malone

I always see my boyfriend on Facebook chatting other girls. They write on his wall all the time. I trust him and I don’t think he’s cheating on me but he gets annoyed whenever I ask him why he talks to so many girls. Am I crazy? Is there a legitimate concern here or am I just being too overbearing?

Head Against the Wall

Wall,

It’s hard for me to accurately gage the magnitude of the issue without actually being there to see it firsthand. So I guess the simple answer is no, you’re probably not crazy but it’s hard to prescribe the solution without a trip to the doctor.
Your boyfriend might get annoyed when you ask him because of the way you ask the question. Is your tone argumentative when you ask him?
If so, then maybe he’s just annoyed because he feels that you don’t trust him. It doesn’t really look like you do. But if you’re casually asking the question and it escalates into shouting then I suppose you have some reason to be concerned.
You didn’t specify how long you’ve been going out with him. If it’s a short duration than this is normal.
BC students have been in the dating game for a while and the chances that he’s met other women besides you and his mother are pretty high. These could just be friends.

I don’t know how easy it would be to find out the names of the girls he’s talking to, but if he’s open about it, why not try and find out who they are.
No, I’m not suggesting that you stalk him or his chat buddies, but maybe some of them go to BC. If so, you can get a first hand look at whom these girls are. If you find out that he’s been talking to a bunch of girls who smell like homeless people on a Friday morning, you might have a legitimate reason to be worried.
I’m not trying to typecast but my doctorate has given me a sense of who is a good judge of character and who isn’t.
So try and get a feel if he’s talking to people who he’s likely hooking up with while your doing shots in your eight man with your roommates while Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen is on the TV. Impressed by my pop culture knowledge? I thought so.
If you can’t trust what your boyfriend does on Facebook, then there’s likely to be a lot of bigger problems down the road.
At the same time, you should be able to have a rational discussion with him about this. If that isn’t plausible, maybe you were right all along. But a few wall posts here and there from a member of the opposite sex should not be a constant red flag.

Dr. Malone can be reached at ian@thebcobserver.com

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One Response to Moan to Malone

  1. Ellie says:

    Guys like to know that they have options, perhaps talking to these girls reminds your man that he isn’t “stuck” with you but rather it is a choice- he enjoys browsing but he comes home to you. Communication is key but if you give him space it will not only show him that you trust him, but it will give him the opportunity to realize how lucky he is to have a girlfriend like you. If you’re too worried, tell him you’re concerned and if he truly cares about you, he’ll listen- it’s important that you share your feelings, not lay down rules. Or, you could always have a party, invite all of these girls and see how they interact. Best of wishes to you. Also, Ian, these people are coming to you for advice, perhaps you might want to work on not coming off as an insensitive jerk? Maybe?
    And Dearest Gau, it seems that what you’re alluding to is a bigger problem- are you worried that things are becoming routine? boring? Food you can change, but if you’re getting bored with this fella it might be time for a talk.

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