Society & People

Moan to Malone: Valentine’s Day Edition

Dr. Malone

Today is Valentine’s Day and I don’t have anyone to be my valentine. What should I do?

Wishes to be hit with Cupid’s Arrow


Well I have some good news and some bad news for you. Let’s start with the bad news. You can go to the CVS to pick up cheap gifts for your Valentine, but you can’t find him there.

Now for the good news. Who cares? There are plenty of fun things to do on Valentine’s Day without a Valentine. Go to CVS and pick up a Whitman’s Sampler (eat the caramels before your roommates find them). And watch a romantic film. Not something stupid like The Notebook. Watch Last of the Mohicans or Braveheart. Something where a long haired guy with an accent kills people for his girl. You’ll feel better because you’ll see that most guys aren’t like that. Well maybe some are, but those people can’t go out with you since that would violate doctor/patient ethics. So I guess you’re out of luck there. But chocolates and epic war/romance films are the proper prescription to your heartbreak over this Hallmark holiday. That’s all for the day, the doctor has an appointment with his Valentine’s Day cake.

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