Dear Dr. Malone,
I met this guy at a party and we hooked up. I have his shorts, but I don’t know how to give them back because I’m not sure what I want out of this encounter.
This may not seem like a problem now, but this kid is strange. He wears only one pair of sweat pants, looks like Frankenstein, and every time he sees me he sticks his finger in my ear and asks me to sushi. Should I look past these erratic behaviors or should I return the shorts and kick him to the curb?
Look past shortcomings?
I’m not sure why you feel that the events of your first paragraph are not a problem. The Doctor was certainly disturbed. What prompted this kid to leave without his shorts? Furthermore, it’s February. Why was he wearing shorts at all?
You say that you aren’t sure what you want out of this encounter.
By that alone I’m not sure if you are any less weird than this kid that you have described. Do you like having fingers in your ear? I would hope not. This doesn’t appear to be erratic behavior at all. It just seems downright creepy.
Personally I wouldn’t give the shorts back. This encounter would be so disturbing to most that they would probably never talk about it again. The fact that you’re even unsure about what to do indicates that you feel differently. So keep the shorts. You seem like the kind of person who would need something to remember this guy by.
Why do you want to continue seeing this Frankensteinesque, sushi/ear loving freak. Sure the world is full of some strange people but come on. Can’t you find a slightly more normal guy at this school? Sure this school might be full of bros and jerries but there are plenty of normal options out there. Perhaps that is not what you seek.
I have a test that you can use to figure out if this jerry is someone to worry about. Read these names off in succession to him. Ted Bundy, Son of Sam, Jack the Ripper. If the kid starts smiling uncontrollably than you might want to put some distance between the two of you. In fact even if he doesn’t do anything still put some distance between the two of you. If you want to continue seeing a guy who puts his finger in your ear than I think you might be too much for the doctor to handle.
Dear Dr. Malone,
How do you know if a guy wants more than a hookup? I’ve been really into him but I can’t tell if he will commit to anything other than Friday and Saturday nights. I really like him and I hope that he likes me too but I can’t tell. What should I do?
Wants More, More, More
You ask a fair question and there are plenty of people at BC who struggle with this.
The truth is, no one really knows how the hookup culture ties into dating at BC. There isn’t one definitive answer.
Since the average age of marriage has skyrocketed and divorce rates are up, people are growing fearful of commitment, especially at such a young age. Yea marriage and a date are on almost entirely different ends of the spectrum but these things are scary to guys.
Guys fear responsibility. Your humble doctor does too. Who doesn’t want to go back to the playground days where the word paper meant something you crumpled up to throw at a jerry?
That doesn’t mean that you can’t get a guy to commit. It might be harder than it once was but it’s doable. Try and take it slow. Boys scare easily with this crap.
Try asking him to late night. Why? It’s a public forum that is low pressure and allows for a slightly more intimate setting than regular dinner.
If you live off campus, go to a place like Chill or Moogys (dollar Buschs all day). Try talking to him and see if there’s a chance for more.
Part of the problem is you want the build up to be just like a typical relationship. Well you threw that out of the window when you chose to skip the obligatory meal and go straight to the hookup. So sorry More but you’re going to have to modify what you want out of this.
That doesn’t mean that you can’t have a good relationship with this guy. But you need to be prepared to start over and try again if it doesn’t work. It might be helpful to take a more traditional approach if a traditional relationship is what you really want.