It seems as though you have come before us to reinvent the wheel of romance. Your strategies are unconventional to say the least. So I pose this question to you: what is the greatest dating commandment of them all?
The High Pharisee
I’ll ignore your rather condescending tone; while you may claim to be a Pharisee, I’m the one with the doctorate. For those who doubt my intentions, let me be clear. I did not come to abolish the laws set forth by my predecessors; I come to complete.
Now, with that out of the way, you actually pose a decent question here. The greatest dating commandment of them all, hmm. Love your partner as yourself? No, that’s a bad idea, at least at first. What has a guy ever gotten by treating a girl like he would himself? You gotta go the extra mile. So with all due respect to the Big Man up above, the Doctor has to take an alternative route.
Respect your partner with all your heart. Why not love? That’s kind of redundant. If you don’t love, or at least really like, your partner then you’re in trouble.
Respect is something that can sometimes be forgotten in college. College is full of kids who drink too much alcohol and live in dorms/apartments/slums that don’t command much respect. It’s not too hard to forget that you’re in the real world while your busy pregaming for whatever festivities BC has to offer.
Respect means remembering the little things. Does you boyfriend/girlfriend have a huge test that he or she is nervous about? Why not bring them a cup of coffee? Go to Dunkin across from St. Ignatius believe me, no one wants that free trade sludge they serve in lower. The good luck text before the tests never ceases to put a smile on a person’s face as they prepare to go into battle.
The Doctor does not necessarily think that the hookup culture is a bad thing, but students still need to remember to be respectful. If you can get respect down, you’re likely to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.
I’m an outgoing girl that has a problem with boys. It seems as though I can’t get them to make the first move. I’ve asked countless guys out, and while things start off okay, I can never seem to find my Edward Cullen (sorry big Twilight fan). What’s wrong with me? Should I let the guy make the first move? What should I do?
Tired of Team Jacob
There are a few issues here. You seem to have lost your sense of reality. However, this isn’t a problem that is necessarily exclusive to you.
My next few sentences may be damaging to some, but trust me, all girls need to hear this. There is no such thing as Edward Cullen. People may look like him, but he is not real. The poorly written novel tells the story of a man’s (vampire) blind allegiance to who perhaps may be the most annoying protagonist of all time. If I ever dated a girl who was even half as annoying as Bella Swan, I’d run as far away as possible.
You don’t seem to be like Bella. So my advice to you is to stop trying to find Jacob. Just by making the first move, you’ve established that you are your own person and not dependent on a sparkly bloodsucker who looks more at home as a backup dancer for Cher than as a figure of romance.
Okay, enough with the Twilight bashing and back to the problem. Your problem isn’t as severe as you think. Most guys would love to have a girl like you. Guys get really nervous when it comes to asking girls out, especially in the era of the hookup culture.
You just need to make sure that you aren’t treading on the boy’s ego, which is a fragile thing. Few boys like it when the girl wears the pants in the relationship and if they do, they are probably jerries.
Ultimately, the best advice I can give you is to let the guy make the first move. You can give him hints all you want, and that’s probably a good thing, but you’re going to want to have him be the one to get the relationship going. Take it with a grain of salt though. If you really feel otherwise, go ahead. The Doctor is here to give you a prescription to your problem. A question whose details are limited to under a hundred words do not give me a perfect picture of the problem so listen to my advice, but please-be your own person.
Dr. Malone can be reached at email@example.com