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A Treatise on Hillside

Freedom is something that we as Americans have valued ad infinitum. From the words “When in the course of human events…” to “Four score and seven years ago…” and “I have a dream…” The views expounded by these and other great men in our history of a nation have always sought to right the injustices of their contemporaries and make steadfast the commitment of our forefathers to the vision that “…all men are created equal…”

There is just one problem – how does one account for fresh men and wise fools? I am not advocating any type of eugenics or segregation of classes, but can we, as those who have abandoned the ignorance of the steak and cheese for the divine delights of Hillside, allow such plebeian riff raff into our fine dining experience, with their garrulous quips and accompanying bric-a-brac?

There are exceptions to this critique, however; until it can be proven to me, through right speech and action and through right effort and state of mind, that the philistines possess the right intention and view to enter into those hollowed halls, they shall never walk the Noble Million-Dollar Path. As long as the mind is filled with Natty, Rubinoff and dorm pre-during-post games, it will never be empty enough to enjoy the fullness of the Cranberry Brie. That’s français for cheese. If you can’t pronounce it, you can’t order it.

Perhaps, as with other divisions of classes, time will move on and this distinction will soften. Once again I will have the pleasure of wading through over-cologned/perfumed and underdressed underclassmen. But there is something that we all must hold on to. Perhaps if they take back Hillside, the Mods will be next. They’ve already crept into Voute with high school level Spanish. I say we embrace the great favor that BCDS has shown, lest we sink back into the mire. They have their own campus anyways, and I’ve heard rumor that Stuart isn’t that bad.

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