Now, I’m not a big fan of pets. This is just another way of animals trying to infiltrate our lives. They already seriously outnumber us, now we’re letting them into our homes? But if you do insist on getting a pet, it’s important to choose what kind of animal you want wisely. Lucky for you, I’ve created a pros and cons list for some of the most common pets to help you choose.
Pros: Playful, active, and can keep those damn kids out of your yard.
Cons: You’ll be expected to talk to every person on the street walking their dog.
Pros: Don’t require much maintenance, quiet, smart enough not to poop everywhere.
Cons: You’ll be a cat person. A cat lady, or a creepy cat guy. Do you really want that? Plus, they think they’re better than you.
Pros: Entertaining, good conversation starters
Cons: They can live for 60 years. You’ll want it dead after two days.
Pros: Exotic, interesting
Cons: It will eat you in your sleep.
Pros: Low maintenance, fun to play with, good first pet for kids
Cons: Smelly, disgusting, and all around horrible
Pros: Easily replaceable, you won’t be sad when it dies.
Cons: Depressingly replaceable, you won’t be sad when it dies.
Cons: Embodied reminder of all the bad choices you’ve made in your life.