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The Rock Celebrates Easter

While Easter has been commercialized to an extent, the results haven’t been very similar to Christmas. Easter egg hunts bring back fond childhood memories for many of us, but the Easter Bunny lacks the same appeal as Santa Claus. He’s actually kind of a creep.

The Rock’s Easter group article remembers the awkward times we spent with Easter’s sketchy mascot. The anthropomorphic rabbit is no substitution for the jolly old fat man with the beard. Easter eggs should not have to be delivered by such a scary creature.

Jacob McEwen: When we were growing up and living in town, my sister and I had a pet bunny named Petey. We loved that little rabbit. On Easter, we would tie a bow on him and all watch while he jumped through the grass. He would muzzle the pastel eggs as he hippity-hopped along. When we moved to the woods we had to keep our rabbit locked up, away from the coyotes and bear-cats. One day, my dad left the cage open and Petey got away. My mom always told my sister and I that he was probably happier hopping through the woods. As a kid, I used to imagine him bouncing through the brier and bramble, down the lane to our house with Easter Baskets swinging from his mouth.

Cartoon by Suzanne Severance
Cartoon by Suzanne Severance

Last year our mother told my sister and I that the cage had been locked. Actually, our dog had gotten into it. She buried Petey before we could find him. Pray for the truth of the resurrection.

Juliette San Fillipo: Those awkward moments when I watch one of my favorite movies (Donnie Darko) and realize every time that Frank will never not resemble a demonized Easter Bunny with odd knowledge of the future/individual time travel. But then again, that’s kind of why it rocks.

Conor Naughton: When I was little, I got the most eggs at my Church’s Easter egg hunt. Turns out one of the other kid’s fathers were the Easter Bunny. He was supposed to run around the hunt encouraging kids to collect eggs, but instead he tried to impede my ability to collect more eggs. Later, I ate my peeps atop my father’s armchair in the living room and I thought about why the Easter Bunny was so mean.

Kate Lewis: I had to explain to a non-Christian friend that the Easter Bunny, in fact, does not lay the eggs himself. It was possibly one of the most ridiculous Easter-themed conversations I’ve ever had. Also, the girls who live across the hall from me have a stuffed Easter duckie that sings and dances to ‘Low’ by Flo Rida. It’s the perfect Easter gift for the Christian shawty in your life.

Meagan McCarthy: Since my sister and I were little, we’ve always had Easter egg hunts at my house. Even though we’re both in our twenties now, we still haven’t grown out of the tradition. My parents never seem to count the eggs and they forget where they hide them, so we always end up finding expertly hidden eggs filled with stale candy months later.

Ian Thomas Malone: I actually hooked up with an Easter Bunny without knowing until two years later. My family vacations in Sea Island, Georgia, and a girl who donned the Easter Bunny costume down there actually went to BC. Getting past the initial shock that the Easter Bunny is not in fact real, I can look back on that Easter knowing that Easter Bunnies aren’t all bad.

Jamie Spagnuolo : After watching Donnie Darko for the first time this winter break, I can never again look at the Easter Bunny without thinking of Frank and time travel and pieces of planes dropping through roofs. So while I’ve never had a personal encounter with the Easter Bunny before, I certainly don’t plan on it now. And you can bet that if I do encounter an Easter Bunny this week, I am going to run in the opposite direction before he can tell me that the world is going to end in 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes and 12 seconds. I would advise you all to do the same.

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