Featured, Society & People

Top 10 Things You Should NOT Be For Halloween

10. A Nerd — Wearing suspenders and glasses with fake lenses doesn’t make you a nerd; that’s what every NBA player wears these days. If you add booty shorts and an oxford shirt that shows your midriff then you should re-evaluate some life choices. (Note: +10 points if you wear suspenders and fake glasses as part of your NBA player costume.)

karen mouse

9. A Sexy Cat — This just really tells the world that you put zero effort into your costume. This goes for all sexy animal costumes. (Note: -10 points if you go around pointing at your mouse ears quoting Karen from Mean Girls.)

8. A Sexy Police Officer — I want you to think back to every time you’ve ever been pulled over by a cop. Have they ever once in your life been sexy? That’s what I thought.

7. An athlete who plays the same sport you play in real life — “Oh, you play tennis so you dressed up as Roger Federer, how fun and original!” said no one ever.

6. Anything that involves a sombrero and a poncho — Forget the fact that this costume is offensive and stereotypical, and remember that it will almost certainly involve you taking way too many tequila shots and yelling whatever nonsensical phrases you remember from high school Spanish. Really, no one wants to see that. This is not Cinco de Mayo.

5. Any kind of sexy schoolgirl/cheerleader/teacher/secretary — I lump these costumes together not only because they are feminist abominations that make we weep for the state of my gender, but more importantly, because Halloween should not involve you dressing up in something that could be easily found on “adult” film sets. If you are not actively back-up dancing in a Britney Spears video, then you should never be caught dead in any of these outfits.

jim office

4. Anything Jim from The Office ever wore in the Halloween specials — It was funny five years ago but it’s not old enough yet to be retro/ironic funny.  I always thought Michael had the better costumes anyway.

3. A pimp — I think most actual pimps now are middle-aged ladies and they’re mostly called Madams so not only is this costume unoriginal, it’s just plain wrong.

2. A sexy nun/priest — I actually think this costume is less funny because we go to BC. Yes, I understand it’s ironic and funny because you’re wearing a sexy nun dress (that’s an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard one), but I’m still not laughing.

1. A deposed dictator and/or Nazi — You would think this would be really funny, but take it from me, it is not. During my senior year of high school, my friends and I decided it would be a great idea to dress up as sexy dictators from history; not only did no one get it but we were also suspended for “insensitivity”, so it was pretty much a lose-lose. If you need further evidence of what a terrible idea this is, just google “Prince Harry Nazi costume”.

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