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A Message from Gossip Girl, BC Edition

Disclaimer: Please read with caution. This article is meant to be a satire. The opinions expressed in this article do not reflect the author’s or TRBC’s feelings toward or position on any of the topics covered below, because obviously the NEC and HerCampus were never a thing, that would end so badly.

necHey BC-ers, Gossip Girl here with some pretty big news. One of my many sources has just sent me some fun information. Apparently HerCampus and The New England Classic are going through a bit of a messy breakup! My sources have sent me copies of their breakup letters. Didn’t know they were together? Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Apparently NEC took it a little too far though, and made one joke too many. But they brought it upon themselves, a person as fussy as the NEC is about style just can’t work with a person that only cares about the next season’s fashion line.

Poor HCBC, whatever will she do now? Will she go back to her super-hot, progressive ex, The Gavel? Or will she set her sights a little higher, on someone serious like The Heights? Only time will tell. The poor Torch won’t be a contender today, though—he’s a little too vocal about his decision to save himself for marriage, and he’s barely recognizable after getting a little work done last summer. What’s in a name? For the old Observer, just about everything.

Until then, I think we know where Sandwich Boy is headed: back to his old “friend,” The Rock. She understands NEC’s jokes—rumor has it, she even laughs at some of them! Who could resist going from a gal that just doesn’t get his humor to one that not only understands it, but enjoys it? According to Twitter, they aren’t just friends, however. I wonder what’s been going on there? A bit of flirting, I see. HCBC might think they’re the HBIC, but if you want to see a real Queen Bee, you know The Rock is what the buzz is all about.

0d4a6df269e8ceb63742b81d4b42721d_400x400I wonder if The Heights knows that two of its fellow publications are acting so frivolously on social media. I bet he wouldn’t like that at all; we all know how he feels about fun. Poor H, I wonder if some day he will realize working hard just isn’t worth it if you’re too serious all the time! At least he tries to be fun and let loose, even if he doesn’t succeed.

Maybe someday old H will have the Gavel looking up to him.  G would already be looking up to H, if G could only take his eyes off of his ridiculous celebrity crush. Idolizing Buzzfeed? You can do much better than that, G.

That’s all for now. So until next time, you know you love me… XOXO, Gossip Girl.

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