Ah, Columbus Day–a day to celebrate a man who essentially initiated the takeover of an entire land from its native people. In honor of this strange holiday, we’ve decided to pick some songs that are popular, but shouldn’t be. Just like the “great” Chris Columbus. Enjoy!
“Let me paint a picture for you. It’s junior prom, and I’m in the backseat, en route to the restaurant Bravo! in my friend’s date’s mom’s Lexus. The radio is playing, and ‘Cruise (Remix) ft. Nelly’ comes on, prompting the other passengers to roll down the windows (as if I hadn’t spent 2 hours on my hair) and sing along joyously. I sit silently and scowl. And let me confirm for you that 2.5 years later, this song is still awful. I have very mixed feelings about country in general, but this is the epitome of why so many hate the genre. Terrible use of metaphors, grating vocals, and a celebration of the most base things in life. Seriously, if you like this song, please let me know so I can never talk to you.” – Grace Rice ‘18
“You’d think that with the amount of artists on this track, at least one of them could produce something of at least some substance, but if you thought that, you’d be wrong. Pitbull not only spits some fire lyrics (rhyming ‘Kodak’ with ‘Kodak’? really?), but also defies conventional physics with the lyric, ‘Reach for the stars, and if you don’t grab ‘em, at least you’ll fall on top of the world.’ Add in Ne-Yo’s vocals and a funky (read: horrible) electronic beat and you’ve got yourself a chart-topper. Pitbull, here’s some advice: stop announcing your name before every song. It’s better to try to remain anonymous.” – Caroline Lewis ‘18
“Cant Feel My Face” – The Weeknd
“I’d be the first to admit that this song has a catchy beat, some interesting lyrics and an overall theme of happiness and bliss, but why the heck can’t you feel your face? After further research and investigation into the lives of some more questionable friends of mine, I’ve come to the conclusion that The Weeknd is doing lots of drugs, the most prevalent being cocaine. Hmmmm, who woulda thought? Apparently, everyone but me. Anyway, why is this song even a thing? I mean, really? Just go back to singing about banging chicks who aren’t yours.” – Kate Chaney ‘18
“The catchy tune of this song made it an instant hit this summer. My mom was blasting it with the windows open on the highway and so were all of my friends. It’s a lighthearted song that seems to advertise loyalty. Seems to. At first, the song was cheery and fun. Until it became way too overplayed or until you actually listened to the lyrics, whichever came first. I think we’re supposed to be impressed by the fact that Andy Grammer isn’t taking drinks from and going home with this chick with the ‘long legs,’ but if you listen closer, apparently a certain level of sobriety is linked to his fidelity. Hmm . . . Maybe next time someone tries to play this song you should hit them with the all too familiar, ‘nah nah, honey, I’m good’.” – Caitlin Saitta ‘19
“It physically pains me to promote this song through discussion because I’ve been against the Biebs from the very beginning. The only reason I’ve allowed it to assault my earbuds is because I was mercilessly forced to listen to it at the homecoming dance. I protested by refusing to dance, even though I was trapped amid a sea of tipsy teenagers, but my friends eventually coaxed me into dancing again. I will give Justin one thing, which is that his songs are extremely catchy. However, just because a song is catchy does not mean it is a high quality song. Did I mention that I don’t like Justin Bieber?” – Trish Rodican ‘19
“WHY THE HELL WAS THIS SONG EVER POPULAR. I mean, seriously. First of all, it’s not even an original song because 50% of the song is hacking together a sample from a song that’s already pretty annoying as it is. The other 50% is the Nicki Minaj whiny voice talking about hook-ups. This song is literally everything that’s wrong with a lot of music today. In all honesty, I don’t even know how Nicki Minaj is famous in general. She’s had roughly one good song (‘Starships’ is a banger, I can’t lie) but every other song of hers is the same as this one–whiny voice and repetitive pointless lyrics. Nicki Minaj is one of the most overrated artists and ‘Anaconda’ in particular is one of the single worst pieces of music created in… well, in just about ever. My anaconda don’t want none of this terrible music. Except for ‘Starships’, that’s actually an absolute banger if I haven’t already mentioned it.” – Korey Ryan ‘18
“Friday” – Rebecca Black
“You all know this song is terrible. It was like the most popular song in the country at one point because it was so terrible. But you know all the words, and you know that Rebecca Black totally ignored her best friend on her left in that red convertible that was green screened onto a highway, and we all go crazy when it comes on at a party as that one necessary irony song. We love to hate it, and also scream-sing it to piss our roommates off… or at least I do…” – Emma Allen ‘18
“This song is not good. It’s cliche and stereotypical and annoying. And yet–I am inspired against my will. And if it comes on in my car or at a party, you KNOW I’m singing at the top of my lungs. Ugh. No self-control.” -Melissa Warten ‘16
“This song sucks. Like why are you all about that bass, hmmm. What about alto, or tenor 2, or even soprano. This is very exclusive and not at all in line with Jesuit values. Shame on you, Meghan, and dishonor on your whole clan. Enough with this song.” – Joey Dorion ‘17
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