Featured, Society & People

Stop Hoverboards 2016

Hoverboards have recently surged in popularity, becoming the number one mode of transportation for football players at Boston College. This is presumably because the ten yard walk from Vanderslice Hall to the dining hall is too excruciating for these D1 athletes, who must reserve all of their energy for dancing in the locker room and updating their snapchat stories.

image3In addition to being really aesthetically unappealing and rather obnoxious, hoverboards have recently made national headlines due to the device’s unreliable lithium batteries overheating and spontaneously combusting. Effective as of December, most major airlines have prohibited hoverboards from flying due to the fire hazard they pose. Despite the obvious safety concerns, some passengers, most notably actor Russell Crowe, have expressed outrage in response to the ban.  One Twitter user remarked that “they explode into fire, and at 30,000 feet that’s a match even The Gladiator would lose.”

In response to a myriad of hoverboard-related injuries, California Governor Jerry Brown recently approved legislation that will effectively outlaw any child under the age of sixteen from riding these deathtraps on public roads in the state of California. Additionally, anyone who chooses to utilize these devices must wear a helmet or face a fine of up to $250. This is great news because no one over the age of sixteen in California would ever be caught dead riding a hoverboard in public, let alone wearing a helmet.

Much to many parents’ dismay, this controversial new law is set to go into effect on January 1, 2016, so it looks like Santa’s elves have wasted a lot of money and manpower this holiday season. 

image4-1Many embarrassing fads have cropped up over the years and have disappeared just as quickly, leaving us all wondering in hindsight how we could have ever willingly participated in them. Heelies™ revolutionized youth culture in the early 2000’s; in fact, I was a proud owner for approximately ten days until a tragic tailbone injury put an end to my Heelies™ career. Similarly, crimped hair and layered tees seemed so promising in 2008, but will now forever mar my seventh grade yearbook.

Let’s all agree as a species to leave hoverboards, along with electronic cigarettes and selfie sticks, in 2015.

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