Disclaimer: This article is meant to be satire. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author or of TRBC.
Due to the increasing number of intramural flag football related injuries on campus, BC has implemented a new safety system for the supposedly recreational sport. From now on, intramural flag football will be played in full padding and helmets for the safety of those involved.
“It seems like a pretty good idea,” stated sophomore player Michael McGee, “players have been dropping like flies since the season started. Just last week my buddy Johnny broke his finger when a defender tackled him full-force. He didn’t even have the ball.”
Others have broken hands, noses, and some have gotten concussions. Fr. Leahy declined to comment on the possible link between concussions in flag football and CTE, but that controversy is for another time. Speculations as to why BC Intramurals, not just flag football, have become so violent seem to follow one storyline.
“I think we’re just try-hards to be totally honest with you,” commented freshman Bailey Mendel, “ever since I’ve been here everyone works hard in the classroom but also at literally everything else. Aren’t intramurals supposed to be a break from the routine of school? We just take a break from trying really hard in class by trying really hard at sports.”
The culture of “work hard, play hard” seems to have affected more than just the “party scene” at BC. The addition of pads and helmets to flag football instead of just changing the sport to contact football can hopefully be the start of a safer and more relaxing intramural season for all of Boston College.
Update: Intramural Volleyball has now implemented hockey masks as mandatory attire due to excessive spike-targeting to the faces of opponents.