Alright! Everybody put your wonderfully creative “sexy cat” costumes away and whip out your polaroids, because guess what?
Halloween is over.
We all know what that means.
Everything changes once the clock hits midnight on October 31st. A switch goes off in our heads while we eat all the Butterfingers in existence and try to peer-pressure our friends into eating a god-awful Milk Dud or a dozen, reminding us of the start of something new. Spooky season has transitioned into Christmas season, and oh, the wonders it brings, whether they be the orgy of aestheticism that will inevitably grab Instagram by the neck and squeeze out all originality, or the ever-infuriating pumpkin obsession.
Does it sound like I hate November yet?
Oh boy, am I ever incredibly enthused about the endless filter-blasted, fall-picture, wannabe-photographer Instagram garbage that will undoubtedly be rushing onto my timeline for the next two months. Everyone and their mother turns into a photography major come the first of November, and I’ve never felt the need to hide my hatred of the “aesthetic revolution.” Newsflash people: I know what Gasson looks like, so please stop linking me your VSCO and showing me your shitty camera quality, definitely unique shot angle and B&W filter.
Moving on from one bane of my Christmas season to the next, it has always fascinated me to see the lengths we go to pumpkin-ize the ever-loving shit out of everything this time of year. I’ve gotten used to the fact that Christmas decorations have been on sale since February but I swear I can’t wrap my head around the obsession with this odd orange fruit. I’m sure this will stir up the hearts of some people who read this, but really think about it.
What is so wonderful about this creepily shaped orange thing that gave the world an excuse to put its overrated flavor into every existing product from vodka to freakin’ dog treats? Why are they so amazing that Starbucks brand Pumpkin Spice Lattes alone generate more annual revenue than the GDP of Tuvalu, an ENTIRE COUNTRY, in only four months? Why are they so special that my sister got so addicted to them last year that she stole my debit card to get more when my mom cut her off?
God help us.