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Pocket Guide to Surviving Parents’ Weekend: Boston College Edition

Disclaimer: This article is meant to be satire. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author or of TRBC.

The last weekend in September brings with it a storm of hyper, maroon-and gold-clad parents, eagerly awaiting their child’s emergence from his or her cinder-block, light-deprived 8-man in Walsh (or their 20-foot high ceilings and state-of-the-art kitchen if they live somewhere else, but luck isn’t handed out evenly). Freshmen wander amidst middle campus, almost holding their awed parents by a leash as they stop to take countless selfies with Gasson. Perspectives classes double in enrollment, suddenly overrun by keen, middle-aged men and women who will, to their dismay, only gain the insight that all of Plato’s Republic is on Shmoop.

The masses are asking: how can we survive another year of this? How can we convince our parents that the Pops on the Heights will be the same as last year? How can we finally graduate from the parents’ tailgate hosted in the Plex, in all her grace and elegance, sans-air conditioner
There are a few basic rules to follow on Parents’ Weekend at Boston College.


1. Tailgate.
Go to Brighton Campus –with your friends. If you’re lucky, one of your roommates’ cool parents will have season tickets AND a tailgating spot. But meet your parents at the Plex once you’re done trying every piece of food the gracious tailgate is offering you – because they’ll want you to take a picture with Baldwin for the 2018 family calendar, just to commemorate (hopefully, maybe, maybe not) beating Central Michigan that one time.

2. Definitely make a reservation in the North End. What’s one thing parents love to do? Treat their poor, dining-hall-bound, home-cooked-meal deprived college student to a wonderful(ly expensive) and delicious meal in the North End. What’s even better? Mike’s Pastry is just around the corner, and I bet you can convince them to bring back some cannolis for your roommates and you to eat (probably at 2am, when you’re awed that you have a rare preference for something other than late night)

3. Wake up early (ish) and take advantage of some free sightseeing. This “free” thing is starting to sound like a trend! Boston is full of exciting things to do, but most weekends consist of waking up at noon and heading to O’Neill for the remaining daylight hours to sell your soul to your economics textbook and strategize how to best survive as a stressed, unemployed millennial who also can’t eat preserved food and must attend Soul-Cycle at least three times per week. This particular weekend, it’s acceptable to put the books away and try out a Duck Tour, or walk the Freedom Trail, or pretend to be sophisticated at the MFA. (You’re an econ major, you’re not fooling us when you pretend to admire Monet and comment on his style of cubism).

4. Actually show your parents your dorm. Your dad probably had that exact same vintage Budweiser poster hanging in his apartment back in the day. The cool, color-changing lights will only add to his vision of you as basically the best person in the world. Throw your Globalization textbook on the table, shroud it with your most recent Theology notes, and voila: you are literally the poster-student of Boston College.

5. Okay, maybe take that selfie in front of Gasson. Your parents didn’t come all the way from North Jersey just to take any regular ol’ photo of the thing. Afterwards, assure everyone around you that you have a mod. It’ll be worth it.

 

Photo 1. Photo 2.

 

2 Comments

  1. David Ferranti

    I don’t even go to Boston College and I could still relate. Perfect satire, beautiful prose. 14/10 publish this author more.

  2. Budweiser? We only adorned our walls with Guinness posters.

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