Disclaimer: This article is meant to be satire. The opinions expressed in this article do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author or of TRBC. All photos taken by the author.
EAGLES NEST – In an ever-growing phenomenon, new Eagles Nest employees are unsure, and wildly inconsistent, with the amount of chips to serve with their hot panini press sandwiches. The expectation of chip-to -sandwich ratio has been set high by local favorite, Iris, but with these high expectations comes high risk of disappointment.
Eagles Nest, essentially the Panera equivalent of Boston College dining options, is home to a quaint dining hall consisting of unruly salad and quinoa bowl lines as well as more time friendly sandwich options. Within these options, the panini line, or presser line for those who don’t know what a panini is, prides itself on serving its sandwiches with chips and a pickle. Little do the new employees know, however, that one measly, sad handful of chips simply isn’t enough.
Many of Boston College’s students enjoy “chips in the sandy,” a colloquial term for putting chips inside the sandwich. Chips in the sandy provides a pseudo-sense of lettuce’s healthy crunch while delivering the rich, shameless taste potato chips have to offer.
However, the new proportion of chips to sandwich ratio seems eerily similar to how World War II lieutenants would ration out bread to their soldiers. After loading up a sandwich with a tasteful sprinkle of chips, students find that there are barely any chips left for personal consumption afterwards, let alone enough for annoying friends to “just have a chip.” All in all, this recent trend has forced the hand of Boston College students. While in line, they pretend to ignore the calls of the new employees, desperately waiting for Iris to call their order. Even if the sandwich isn’t exactly what was ordered, students will gratefully accept Queen Iris’ gift accompanied by the demanded proportion of chips.
At press time, students were seen barely listening to each other while blankly staring at chip crumbs in empty food boats.