What’s up readers? Emmett and Dario are back and we’ve got more Hot Takes (registered trademark pending) for y’all. It’s that time of the year, folks! Final exams, holiday cheer, and most importantly, CHRISTMAS SONGS, and you better believe we have opinions on ‘em! This time we brought in a gang of experts in the music industry to give their extremely professional opinions on these songs. So get ready for some festive ditties that are sure to make you tap your footies, shake your booties, and belt it out for the world to hear!
All I Want For Christmas is You- Mariah Carey
Emmett: Truly the pinnacle of the catchy Christmas jingle. This might be my one exception to the “NO CHRISTMAS MUSIC OUTSIDE OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON” rule…this song is timeless, flawless, and above all…it is so, so singable.
Dario: Sometimes I wonder how people before this song came out were able to celebrate Christmas. Ever since this absolute banger came out it has been more popular than any other Christmas song you’ll see on this list. I have no shame in saying I blasted this song the day after Halloween because everyone knows Thanksgiving is just a bump in the Christmas road after Oct 31.
Emmett: “Batman’s in the kitchen, Robin’s in the hall, Joker’s in the bathroom, peeing on the wall!” Honestly, those should be the official opening lyrics to this classic of classics.
Dario: A classic song that your parents will play too much this time of year. Overused in the past and now it lost its magic over the years.
Emmett: This is one of my favorites. It’s a blast to play the version for a wind ensemble, and it has a lovely sort of elevator-muzak quality to it.
Dario: Absolutely one of the best songs on this list, possibly number 3 on my list of favorite Christmas songs and definitely up there on my favorite songs regardless of season. It’s really a winter song that has been appropriated for Christmas. Great song to listen to, but unless you live in the North, it’s better to just take the melody because it’s hard to use a sleigh with no snow. I’ve found that cardboard works well, but that just doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it?
The Christmas Shoes
Emmett: THE WORST SONG EVER MADE. No joke the actual SADDEST song I have ever heard, and whenever it comes up on the radio, YOU BETTER BELIEVE we are cranking that dial to a different station. Not today, Satan. Not. Today.
Dario: Dude. Why is this on the list. It isn’t festive, it’s depressing. Right on up there with Cat’s In the Cradle. Songs I like but really unless I want to be sad I don’t listen to.
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
Emmett: Another classic of classics. And made infinitely better by the inclusion of those little shouts you do in between the lyrics (“like a lightbulb!” “like monopoly!” “like George Washington!”)
Dario: Get ready for another hot take here, go listen to DMX’s version of this Christmas classic. You won’t be disappointed, and neither will your confused family members when you whip out this banger after dinner.
Rocking Around the Christmas Tree
Emmett: This is just a groovy song. It always reminds me of the ending to Cheaper By The Dozen…anyone? Anyone? Just me? Ok, cool.
Richard: Yes it’s just you, Emmett. Seriously, what really is “the new old fashioned way”?????
Tyler: This song is bad.
Dario: This song is great, for the record. It’s a perfect mix of absolute banger and the old 50’s sound it has.
Adam Sandler- The Hanukkah Song
Emmett: This song is honestly better than most of the Christmas songs out there. It’s freaking funny. And while I have very mixed feelings about Adam Sandler (spoiler: he’s not that funny), even I have to admit that his weird little voice makes this song a lot of fun to listen to. Happy Hanukkah, peeps!
Victor: The last good thing Adam Sandler ever did in his career.
Dominic the Donkey
Emmett: I probably never would’ve heard this song if we didn’t have some wonderful Italian friends growing up, and I am eternally grateful to them solely for introducing me to this song (just kidding! I also like your manicotti!) Try not to prance around your room like an idiot when listening to this jingle, I dare you. Again, that also might just be me.
Victor and Dario: What the *CANDY CANE* is this song?
Tyler and Richard: eehoh eehoh it’s Dominic the Donkey!!!
O Holy Night- Josh Groban
Emmett: Ugh, those pipes! Josh Groban needs to do a cover of every song, like, ever. Pure magnificence.
Dario: This song makes me want to fall asleep.
Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)- Michael Bublé
Emmett: The other velvety Christmas singer guy. It’s tough picking which of the two is better, and while I’d have to go with Groban, Bublé is definitely a worthy runner-up. This song is equal parts silky smooth and super jammable.
Dario and Victor: Anything by Mikey Bubble sucks and is completely overrated. The Darlene Love version is superior in every way. Fight us.
Emmett: Honestly, there are so many classic Christmas songs, which is why this season is the bomb. Try to find another Christmas song that is so easy to bob your head and rage to. Hm…“Silent Night”?
Dario: You can tell Emmett only knows English since he can’t even spell Feliz. This song is a go to song for any Christmas occasion and never fails to pump the festive crowd. Whether that is a bunch of drunk college students or drunk family members, up to you, the song doesn’t care and will do its thing every time.
Richard: Prepare your Insta feed for ‘Fleece Navidad’ posts.
Flex on Christmas – Yung Gravy
Dario: Party animal and need to trap the *fudge square* out on Christmas? Look no further. Not really PG, so make sure your family members don’t catch your little cousins singing this song; won’t end well.
Emmett: I’ve never heard of this song. I’m wary of anything Dario recommends, however (aside from Mariah Carey songs), so, well, do with this what you wish.