Sports

How to Throw a Super Bowl Party Without Losing All of Your Friends

Super Bowl Sunday is supposed to be a fun night among friends, right? Wrong. I accepted my invitation on the condition that the host would still be friends with me even if I “made a scene.”

For football fans, the Super Bowl is always high stress, but I’ve devised some helpful tips on how to survive the evening without alienating everyone you love!

Tip #1 Separate Rooms
This is absolutely essential. Were you thinking about throwing a Super Bowl party with one TV? Really? A bunch of Patriots fans, a handful of Eagles fans, the people who are just here for the commercials, and that guy rooting for anyone but Tom Brady all in the same room? This is, say it with me, a bad idea. The reality is that there’s no way all of these people will be able to stand the pressure or each other for very long. Around halftime someone will be either on the verge of a nervous breakdown, wildly depressed, or wanting to get away from “those maniacs” and just see JT perform already. The Super Bowl brings out the best and the worst of people and if anywhere needs a safe space, it is your home this Sunday.

Tip #2 Betting
Putting your name in a football square, hoping it’s in the one that reads the winning score at the end of the game, is a classic move – it’s also dull and played out. If you want to add some spice to your party, and maybe a way to distract from the way the game is unfolding, you need Vegas betting props, and you need them now. Apparently there are currently over 1,000 to bet on, including my personal favorites:

  • Will Pink be airborne at any point during the National Anthem?
  • How many times will the Rocky statue in Philadelphia be shown during the broadcast?
  • Will any members of *NSYNC perform with Justin Timberlake?
  • How many times will “Wardrobe Malfunction” be mentioned during the broadcast?
  • Will Tom Brady’s jersey be stolen again??

Vegas is, as ever, asking the hard-hitting questions, and if you don’t have a heavy stake rooted in either of the competing teams, this is the way to go. If *NSYNC really does reunite, you may need the isolation room for yourself.

Tip #3 Food & Drink
Lots of it. You need lots of it. Honestly, your friend who said he would bring something probably isn’t going to bring something, and that one bag of Tostitos you bought is not going to last past the coin flip.

While preparing your dishes, ask yourself: Does it have carbs? Did I roast this in a crock pot? Can I stress-eat it? If the answer is “yes,” then you’re doing great. Buffalo chicken dip and pulled pork are your classic dishes, but the general rule of thumb is if you can make any non-American in the room comment on how disgustingly American your spread is, you’ve done it right.

Additionally, I think it’s a law that your only drink option is beer. If your team wins, you’re going to want it; if your team loses, you’re going to need it.

If you’ve got all that, then you’re ready. Sunday February 4. 6:30 PM EST. NBC. May the best team (wink wink) win.

 

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